Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'm Going to Hell Because of My Cats

Once upon a time, we had three dogs and one cat. Two of our dogs have since left this earth, and we now live with one dog and two cats. I recently learned that because we live with cats, we may be going to hell.

Back in 2001, before I'd even read or heard the word blog, I joined a website called PearlSoup. It's a site where people post accounts of happenings in their lives. For me, it was sort of a prequel to blogging. One long-time member there, a guy named Ware Cornell, posted a discussion and a link to a web page written by a writer who appears to take the fundamentalist Christian view of the Bible, the world, and life. Here's an excerpt from the web page, which is titled, "Are Cats for True Christians?"
The demeanor of a cat is seen by many honest-hearted observers as reflecting some supernatural, unnatural proclivity towards malice or evil. And, it is a well-known fact that cats are impossible to tame, teach or raise in the truth. The cat has a rebellious, independent spirit. While the animal itself may be unaware of this tragic condition, it serves only its true master - Satan, the Devil.

Now, our two cats seem pretty sweet, really. But then, they do have some irritating habits, like pulling the screen door in and out so it'll bang loud enough to wake one of us up, or tapping one of us on the forehead with a paw so we'll get up and feed them at three in the dang morning.

Sheesh, if I'm gonna go to hell, I'd rather it be for doing wickedly fun things. Instead, I'm told that I've paved my road to hell by living with two cats who get me out of bed at three in the morning.

Life just ain't fair.


Redlefty said...

The feeding thing used to drive me nuts. We joked that they would wake us up as soon as they could "see dishbottom". Even if there were two cups of food in the dish, if any of the dishbottom was visible then it was wakeup time.

I'll hang out with you in hell. Nine years in Houston has me prepped for the humidity.

debby said...

Well, Hal, save me the hot rock next to yours, okay?

Uncle E said...

But according to Dante you'll only end up on the second level of hell with over-eaters and rock stars. So I'll see you there and I'll be sure to bring a scratch-post!

TV de LCD said...
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Mike said...

Hal, as long as you're going to Hell anyway, I can send you a list of stuff to do that will make you feel more worthy.

Annie said...

That is definitely one of the STRANGEST things I've ever read. I guess some people truly have nothing better to do.

My cat has taken up the habit of playing with my closet door while I'm sleeping - just tapping it hard enough to knock gently into the other door and wake me. Then when I look, she's staring at me....waiting for my reaction.