Friday, November 07, 2008

Sweetness and Light

My eight-year old is showing signs that he's leaving behind the last vestiges of his early-childhood sweetness.

I volunteered at his school yesterday. When I first showed up in his class, the teacher was showing the class how to properly fill out a check. (In third grade?) After she finished the teaching segment, she asked if I had any comments.

"Yep," I responded. "All of you need to do well in school, go on to college, and find good-paying careers so you can later write checks like these to your parents."

Dylan, my sweet eight year-old son, let go with a loud, dramatic faux-sneeze, expelling the words "NOTGONNAHAPPEN!" with it. His teacher looked shocked for a moment, but then started laughing. She looked at me with what I took to be a mixture of amusement and sympathy.

Last weekend, I stepped out of the shower, and found no towels in the bathroom. I stepped out of the bathroom to the linen closet, naked. Dylan happened to walk into the hallway at the same time. He let go with a blood-curdling scream: "OH MY EYES! OH MY EYES!" He staggered in place with his hands over his face. Oh yeah, some heavy drama going on there.

But that wasn't enough. No. He then collapsed, and began writhing on the floor. Yep, he was writhing on the floor, still screaming "OH MY EYES! OH MY EYES!"

Sheesh. Eight years-old, and the little rascal has the makings of a first-class wiseguy.

He got it from his mom, obviously.


Algernon said...


Kelly said...

Well..... from what I can tell, if his Dad's any indication, it's gonna get worse!!!

I bet y'all have a great time together!!

btw... as small ones, my son probably had more "sweetness and light" than either of his sisters. At 19 I still catch occasional glimpses of it. *sigh*

Redlefty said...

Hey, 8 years ain't bad for kids these days!

Mary Paddock said...

I feel your pain.

My sweet, gentle ten year old (our youngest of four boys) has lately taken to moaning "Ewww! Gross!" whenever my husband and I kiss in front of him.


Debby said...

'He must of got it from his mom.'

*Loud faux sneeze expelling the word "bull-spit!*

*slight sniff*

Hal? It's your blog. You tell those stories however you want.


Bob Barbanes said...

Tears, man. Tears! From laughing so hard. Too funny. That apple fell right at the base, didn't it? I can just imagine the expression on your face in that classroom. What a little clown.*

Serves you right, Papa Wiseguy.

*And that's a good thing.

Scotty said...

That's gold, Hal. Had me smiling over my coffee this morning.


Pam said...

LOL!!! I'd really hate to put my Connor, Sam and Dylan in the same room for about an hour then turn them loose on polite company.

Frankly, around here, one minute it's all sweetness and light, the next it's nasty-body-part-and-body-noises-wise-ass little boys!

Nine-year-old Sam is the world's worst! Needless to say, his favorite books of the moment are the "Captain Underpants" Series and the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" collection.

Annie said...

I think my son is just about 2 weeks worth of behavior behind yours! Isn't it fun?

Bob said...

I look forward to hearing about the first time you embarrass Dylan! It's definitely a rite of passage. I'm proud to say I have done it for all three of my children!