Thursday, February 23, 2012

One Resolution Blown to Hell

Well, my New Year's resolution to write six hours a week hasn't come even close to fruition. In fact, Since the end of January, I doubt I've averaged six minutes a week.

I've never really obsessed over getting older. I really don't feel much different than I did twenty years ago; aging so far has brought more positives than minuses.

But now, halfway through my fifties, I'm struck with how time is getting more precious, whether I have one year or forty left on this earth. I'm struck with how much living I've done inside my head, and not engaged with the world in the here and now.

My job takes me away from home, and when I'm away, I grieve over every lost hug, every laugh, every warm moment with my wife and son lost to those wanderings inside my head.

Writing is part of that world, that world inside my head. Sometimes I think it detracts from the riches of my life instead of adding to it. Before I can truly engage with writing as a life journey, I'll have to make peace with the feeling that it could be a detour away from what really matters.

I'm not a writer. I'm a guy who writes now and then.

Will that change? I don't know. I'll have to get back to you on that one.


Kelly said...

I never work on my "Legacy Guide" project anymore and the older I get, the more I realize I should. Not for myself, but for my kids.

Spd900 said...

The people who read your blog believe you are a writer.

Bob said...

Just glad to hear from you when the mood hits you, Hal.

For me, there are just things that have to "get out" sometimes and writing them down accomplishes that. I express myself a lot better in writing at times than I do verbally.

Sometimes when my wife and I "discuss" things (what some might call arguing), I want to stop and write to her.

Mary Paddock said...

It's February, Hal. The year is not over with yet. Have you had a conversation with Rhonda about this? I found it much easier to focus on writing with Gary's support.

I completely understand the feeling that life is slipping away. But I also know that standing around fretting about it doesn't change that fact. Nor does hovering over the boys hoping I don't miss anything.In fact it kind of drives them crazy. :)

And there is NOTHING wrong with being a guy who writes now and then.

Bob Barbanes: said...

In the end, when I was with PHI it was all the time away from home that bothered me the most - and I don't even have a family waiting for my return. I realized that the 7&7 schedule was making my life go by WAY too fast.

Writing isn't getting in the way of who and what really matter; being away from them for half your life is.

Oh, and you *are* a writer, by the way - a better writer than me, in fact.

Hal Johnson said...

Well thanks to y'all, who are some of my favorite people to read.

Bob (Tennessee Bob), thanks. And I know what you mean: if only life came with a "pause" button, allowing me to craft responses to folks on a keyboard.

Y'know Mary, I share most everything with Rhonda, but not so much my writing. She writes as part of her job, so I think the idea of writing for enjoyment is downright alien to her. That's okay.

"Spd900," are you the lady from Oregon?

Bob (IABFNY Bob), thanks for that, but I disagree. I think you have an amazing sense of "voice" in your writing, although I do think that you need to quit mealy-mouthing about the way you feel about things. HAR!

Anyway, while I didn't write this post to fish for compliments, I sure enjoy 'em. So, let me ask y'all: how often can a guy get away with fishing for compliments on his blog? Twice a year? Twice a month? Twice a week?

Sorry, but being a smart ass makes me feel better.

Michael said...

I'll break from the normal comment and say that it's indeed possible (even likely) that you aren't a writer, at least not currently. As you said you're a guy who writes from time to time, and that's perfectly fine!

In my opinion to be a writer means that you must write. That's it's the way you find out how you feel, what you think and what you're learning. And that you'll write that stuff regardless of if anyone will ever read it or not.

That may not be you. Yet. You may still have a "writer" season ahead of you. Mid-fifties? Pfft. Plenty of extremely influential people hadn't even started yet by that age. Maybe this is your season of inner brain work, like Paul's seven years of solitude before he broke out into his ministry.

Or maybe not. You are loved anyway!

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Debby said...

Thought that I said this before, but why should your resolution be any different than anyone else's?